With a divorce rate in this country that approaches 50%, and a fairly sizable percentage of marriages that aren’t particularly blissful, it’s difficult to avoid searching for the answer to the battle of the sexes.

Would you like to stop searching?

We’ve moved through the old paradigm of getting your needs met in relationships and it has proven itself to be a miserable failure.

Why?

Attempting to get your needs met in your relationship causes some troublesome things to happen. First, it causes you to focus mainly on your needs and not on the desires of your partner. Secondly, it sets you up for disaster because it has you believing that you deserve something that may well not be delivered.

All across this great country of ours, battles are raging between men and women: she needs to talk and connect, and he needs his space and independence.

Who wins here?

The answer, of course, is that both lose because of a flawed view of what a successful relationship is all about. What also happens is that both people start to blame the other for not meeting their needs.

For those who are really serious about success in their relationships, it’s important to understand how blaming your partner is an enormous problem itself. It creates a bigger problem and has you convinced that you’re not part of the problem.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Blaming has never worked and never will. It may have you feeling justified in your position, but it will always hurt your relationship.

It’s particularly important to develop the realization that your feelings can deceive you in your relationship with your partner. This can be difficult for people raised during the ‘honor your feelings’ era of relationships. Your feelings tell you things like, ‘I can’t believe she could do something like that to me,’ or, ‘How could she treat me so badly?’ These feelings are the result of your own low self-esteem and your own personal history of victimization.

While it’s true that your partner may treat you in a way you don’t like sometimes, it’s not true that you need to react to it with strong negative feelings. These strong negative feelings are a reflection of your own esteem issues.

These feelings also have a way of keeping your partner engaged in the struggle with you so that you can continue to blame each other. When you’re both engaged in the struggle, you’ll believe that she needs to be fixed. She’ll think the same of you. Nobody wins and everybody loses.

This isn’t very smart or effective.

What would happen for people in their important relationships if they gave up defending themselves and believing their needs needed to be met? What would happen if they worked at being kind and caring with their partners? I’ll tell you what would happen. They’d have great relationships!

After all, the only thing that you can do to improve a relationship is to improve you.

So stop looking over at your partner and seeing all of her flaws. Stop blaming her. She has issues just like we all do. But if you see her as a collection of flaws you’ll have no chance at a successful relationship.

And it’s successful relationships in life that make us truly happy.

Welcome to Real Christian Marriage! Advice is everywhere about enriching your marriage. We hope this christian site will help counsel, comfort, and help you in your marriages. The very foundation of society is the marriage. Christian marriages should be the strongest of that foundation.

Great marriages don't just happen though. Marriage is work! Your spouse is their own person with flaws of their own. Don't look now but you have flaws too. When two flawed people become one they are still flawed. That is why God must be in the center of your christian marriage.

Everything from the kitchen to the bedroom is shared by loving couples. Your spouse is going to be at your side from now till death. This marriage covenant we christians commit to is forever. We may as well make it the best christian marriage in the world! There is no better marriage advice than that!
Christian Marriage Counseling

You may be asking yourself what makes a marriage into a christian marriage. For that matter what makes something into christian marriage advice instead of just normal marriage advice. Typically there is no difference in the two in most cases. People like to give advice based on current feelings about subjects. Even christians do this.

So how do we know what makes anything christian? The answer is found in the bible. If the advice you hear comes from the solid ground in the bible then that advice is christian no matter who is giving it. You just need to know what the bible says.

What does the bible say about what marriage is?

* The husband and wife are one unit and no longer separate people with their "own identities". They are now extensions of each other. Gen. 2:23-24
* The husband is the leader in the family. Gen 3:16
* Marriage is a shadow of the relationship of Jesus to the church. Eph. 5:21-33
* Marriage is honorable in all and the marriage bed is to be enjoyed. Heb. 13:4-5
* Marriage is not for children but rather for each partner to have someone to go through life with. Gen. 2:18, Eccl 4:9
* Christian marriages are to be monogamous. Ex. 20:14

Because of christian marriage being the shadow of Jesus and the church together every book in the bible then becomes a book on marriage. There is no way to give better christian marriage advice than to say read the bible!